How to Deal with a Perfectionist.

   You may live, work, or have a family member that is as controlling perfectionist. They have unrealistic expectations, follow the rules, and maintaining high stands are of the utmost importance. They view the world in a black and white manner and often see their way as the only way so they have not problem in pressing their will onto others.  The world will often reward a perfectionist because isn't that every boss wants? A worker to show up on time, get the work done and be extremely organized. A person also may be attracted to a perfectionist thinking they will find stability and a person who will improve their own life. Perhaps it’s the parent that that is critical of their children expecting unrealistic ideals for them. You have to deal with a perfectionist every day and is on the receiving end of the controlling perfectionist you may being to feel, "I can’t do any thing right," it must be my problem," or giving in to avoid conflict.

So How to Stand up for Your Self?

1. You can not change them

   First of all you must realize that there is no way that you can change a perfectionist. They do not think they have a problem. In their minds their ways is the only way. They may never change and you must accept this. However this does not mean that they should be allowed to abuse you, trample on your rights or opinions.

   You however can change. I know this is not an easy thing when dealing with a controlling perfectionist every day. This will take time and practice, but be willing and ready to take charge of your life and your happiness!

   Change your own behavior and beliefs and you can change the very quality of your relationship with the controlling perfectionist.  Realize you do have a right and can do what you want. Their judgment of you is not how you measure up to your personal standards and goals.You must understand that this is their problem not yours. They have a personality flaw. Realize that they will only care about using you for their own gain and will have not guilt or remorse for what they have done to you.

2. Choose your Battles

 
   Be sure to choose a battle that you have control of.  Do not pick a fight over something there is no control over;  for example they may pick on someone for being late. Do not pick a battle about a third person or a situation that is not controllable. However if the controlling perfectionist at work is judgmental about you’re desk area being too messy for them, politely but firmly state to them that it is your work area, and that you do not think you can change it because it is my way of working efficiently. If it bothers them they can turn the other way or not be in your area. They maybe angry at this but by now stating this you have now indicated that the problem is theirs. Again remember to pick battles that pertain to you and be polite but firm. This may take time and understanding, and perhaps more then one confrontation, but be sure to keep working at it. Conflict maybe something you like to do so choose wisely and and stick to your guns.

3. Creating Space

If possible creating space maybe the best option. If this is not an option perhaps find ways to reduce or limit interactions with the controlling perfectionist.

A few examples are listed

If you are doing a group project with a controlling perfectionist ask your boss or teacher to find you a new group that you may work with.

If you have a controlling coach change sports or finds a new team.

If you are having problems with the supplier for your business; you can change suppliers or order online.

If you see the person coming down the hall simply turn around and walk the other way.

If you are being criticized by someone at lunch make yourself unavailable, or ask to take your lunch a half hour earlier or later.

If you have to room with a perfectionist or share a cubicle request a different room.

If you are visiting an elderly parent who is critical make your visits during a meal so that their mouth is full.

Remember you can not change the perfectionist, but you can realize that you are who you are and you have your own standards and goals. They may think the world revolves around them but it does not. You do not need to feel inferior to them or take their judgmental criticism they are the ones that have a personality flaw. Pick battles that only pertain to you and remember winning them may take time. And remember it’s ok to avoid them. If someone is taking your joy and happiness it is not a healthy relationship and they should have not right to be in your life.  Good luck and I wish you the best!

13 Ways to Spot a Perfectionist

 Having a personal experience dealing with a perfectionist in my life I would like to share how to spot a judgmental perfectionist, so that you know who and what you are dealing with. Society often rewards these perfection, because doesn’t society want you to always be on time, always have everything organized, always have perfect morals and never make a mistake. However there are people who have to live or work with these people day in and day who feel the constant pressure that they are being judged and start to feel unworthy of them selves. If you have felt this way around someone, you are not at fault these people only see things in black and white and never from other people’s point of view and will never change or apologize because they never see themselves as wrong or incorrect, because they are perfectionist.   Here are 13 indentifying characteristics of a Judgmental perfectionist.

1. They have such a desire for perfection that it interferes with their ability to be happy or satisfied in life.
2. Obsessed with rules, list, organizations, and orderliness
3. Have a need to control the finances  schedules and other details
4. Moody when they are not in control
5. Unrealistic ideals and standards for other people
6. Has an excessive devotion to work and productivity
7. No flexibility
8. Their way is the only way
9. Stinginess with time or money
10. Reluctant to delegate jobs, has the mind set of that if you want it done right do it your self.
11. Difficulty letting go of material possessions
12. Overly conscientious or moralistic view of the world and with strict ideas about right and wrong.
13. Difficulty expressing feelings and indentifying others feelings, they act if they are cut off from emotional feelings, and can have a cold and cheerless exterior. 

Did Jesus Turn Water into Wine or Grape Juice?

Did Jesus Turn Water into Wine or Grape Juice?

Jesus turned water into wine and here is why.

John Chapter 2  King James Version¹ And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:² And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.³ And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.⁴ Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.⁵ His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.⁶ And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.⁷ Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.⁸ And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.⁹ When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,¹⁰ And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.¹¹ This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.¹² After this he went down to Capernaum, he, and his mother, and his brethren, and his disciples: and they continued there not many days.

1. The Church is also referred to as Woman in scripture.  Jesus was not talking to Mary or out of respect for her, he would have said Mother. Verse 12 refers to Mary as his mother. 
2. My time has not yet come. is a confusing statement if you then go on to preform a miracle. Christ was referring to his death and Resurrection and then sanctify of the saints in heaven was and is yet to take place. 
3.  The water jars used were ritual cleaning for the Jews when they came into the house. The fact that Jesus used these cleansing jars, shows us the law it self will not change you. We must have faith.
4. Mary said, "Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it." Faith
5. Water  in scripture also is a symbol of people. People who were dirty. water in ancient times was often not drank because of contamination, so they drank wine.
6. Wine is purifier antiseptic,healer, sweet and will last if not for ever a very long time. Although yeast is was starts the process of alcoholic wine, by the time the wine has fermented and been processed there is no longer a yeast germ in the wine.
7. Grape juice is not an antiseptic or healer, has the yeast in it still, and will go bad in one to two days. 
8. Christ will transforms us from dirty water to good wine when we have accept faith in Him.
9.  Then the taken to the governor of the party and he exclaims to the bridegroom here is another symblogy bridegroom in scripture does refer to Christ. The governor I can only guess is the Father, who exclaims  "Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now."   Every man who is fallen to self and sinfulness will only get worse and worse as the party of life goes on never better. But Christ the bridegroom has kept us the good wine until now! He has shown the Father that He has transformed us dirty water people with His blood and with His Spirit.

This is with out a doubt Jesus turned water into good wine. This was not just  a cool miracle. He was telling the world He would transform us from dirty water that stank to sweet and eternal wine, through His death and only through faith are we saved. 

If you only see this story in the Bible as an excuse or a way to drink and be excessive about alcohol consumption then you have missed the enter point and your eyes will not be open to the truth. 

If you only see Jesus turning water into grape juice then you are still living by works and not by faith, trying to cleanse your self with dirty water, and you will soon go bad just as grape juice does. 

I want to thank my friend Elizabeth for sharing with me several years ago, that Jesus did not turn water into grape juice but into wine. She may not have realized I've been pondering that thought for  a long time. :)  And to my Husband  Teddy who is a wonderful to have to share and learn deeper of the Love of Christ. :)Thanks.